portal
by the boulevard
Summary: "Give me the damn sex." -or, the one in which Madara doesn't get some, Sasuke mourns, and Hinata is struck by suspicious lightening. And, gasp!, is that Batman? Lol, no.


In which Hinata is struck by freaky green lightening, is fondled by Madara, and meets the Strange Angels cast. Crack-fic, crossover. Major OOC at almost all times. Uhm, rated of like sexual themes and language and stupidity and stuff. Nnoitra may just make an appearance, too.

Lol, betches, I own nothing.

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Don't touch what you can't afford

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In all aspects and purchases of viewing, Madara is one weird guy.

He is old, powerful, handsome (without, ya know, the scars and stuff) and above all else, a ladies man. So it is no shock when he sets his eyes upon the well endowed and mystically beautiful Hinata Hyuuga, who is very much single and very much unaware of his true intentions.

Since he is an Uchiha, and Uchiha's always get what they want - just ask Sasuke, whom had recently achieved a nuddie of one dashing young Hinata at a certain hot spring - he comes up with a front for his molestatio- ahem, seducing plot, by conjuring up the Eye Of The Moon plan, which saved face and made him look cool posing with his Susano'o.

It was simple, really. Dash in, pose, beat a few Kage's up, kill a mofo or two hundred, make Obito look cool in front of Kakashi - whom is a waste of Sharingan time in his eyes - because of the stupid rivalry they have going on, kidna- I mean attract Hinata Hyuuga, take a few selfies with her and his attractive grandson, Sasuke, then get the hell out of there and take her to his love-making chambers where he can fully ravage her without disruption and the effects of time (because he can) and make tiny Madara's.

But nooo, some snot nosed blond kid with an overrated smile wearing too much orange just had to show himself and ruin his plans, along with the idiotic Kurama, who just can't tell when to shut the fuck up, so yeah, he's really pissed off now and if that homo bitch Kabuto does not get the plan going then he was really gonna lose it and kill the bitch.

So, yeah, when he flips his luscious Uchiha hair in synch with Sasuke and attacks a few fuckers, and says he's going to kill them, he really will kill them, because hoes will be hoes and he's really pissed of and in obvious sexual need due to the few explosions near Hinata which so happen to shred her clothes and- Gad Daem those boobs.

Yes, he is a man with a raging sexual need and a high libido and yes, he is proud to say it.

He is in the process of stabbing a few jackasses when the Hyuuga bombshell, in whole clothes, he notes with a frown, comes into his peripheral vision so he quickly stabs the fucker who tried to touch his handsome face and grabs the girl, who squeals and thrashes in his grip. His arm goes around her waist, just under her breasts, which are huge and really nice to look at, as he hoists her to his side like a book. He is in the process of making a great strategic retreat when Sasuke, the gorgeous prick, notices and yells attractively.

'Damn him', Madara thinks.

"Sasuke, you bitch! What the fuck you doing tharr?" Is what he really says, a 'wtf' expression on his face, while everyone else is too shocked to do anything, and carries forth his strategic exit.

He throws down a smoke bomb and by the time if clears he is gone, a post-it with 'suck this, biatch' scrawled neatly.

Sasuke throws himself on his knees and howls into the sky.

"Madara, you asshole! I will get yoouuuuu!"

Naruto interjects with a miffed out expression on his face.

"Dude, he only took Himaga."

"Bitch! I will keel you! Her name is Hinata!"

Meanwhile, some several towns or something away from Konoha, Batman is called for, his cape fluttering in the breeze, as he stands atop Gotham City Bank, adoring fangirls screaming his name while he-

Ohhh, yeah. There is no Batman in this. Sorry guys.

Like I was saying, some several towns or something away, Madara cackles and laughs while Hinata gives him a polite, odd look from her place being chained on his king sized bed, clad in only a very revealing, short red robe, feeling like one of those girls in Icha Icha Paradise.

"So, my dear, sweet, sexy Hinata, do you know what you are doing here?"

"U-um... No?"

"Well, you are here so we can fuck. A lot. We can get married, too, if you'd like, and then we can have kids and stuff."

"U-ummm..."

"No no, don't speak. Only scream my name, dear sexe chaton."

Since when did Madara speak French...? Okay, no, she doesn't put it passed him. The guy is practically immortal.

"Um..."

The smouldering look he gives her is doing a good job of freaking her out, her gaze awkwardly avoiding his while he takes off his shirt to reveal his sexy six pack.

"When I'm done with you, you won't be able to walk."

Now, how many times has she heard that from Sasuke?

The answer is:

A lot. And he always stays true to his word.

"U-um, I don't, I m-mean... Sasuke already... Uhm.."

"What the fuck, man? Seriously? He beat me to it? Damn him! Are you two, ya know, dating or something?"

"Uhh... Not really, I mean, um, no..."

"That's good, that's good.."

Just then, he has an idea.

"How 'bout we run away? Hmm?"

His Sharingan and Rinnegan activate simultaneously to produce a very large, very strange looking portal making weird hissing noises and flashing purple and green lightening.

"Um...that doesn't really...l-look safe.."

"I assure you! It is!"

Just then, some beam of some sort flashes out and drags Hinata into it while she throws him evil glares.

"I um... Might have lied! I've never used it before.."

Then she is gone, and he is stuck with a boner.

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Christophe Reynard is attractive. Fuck that, he's a Sex God. He's handsome, has the body of a Greek god, is related to vampires, has a sexy Polish accent and is immortal.

So, it is no surprise when a very attractive, almost naked, girl drops on top of him while he is on his way to a particularly hip club, his squad behind him.

Okay, not really his squad, but that's what Shanks calls them when he's high.

There is a hissing noise and a green flash that strikes the girl before a suspicious portal closes up and she is murmuring weirdly.

"Um..."

"Shet. Who are you? Damn it, boy, you sexy!"

She is straddling him now, the flimsy robe she wears parting slightly to reveal very attractive thighs, while her hands are on either side of his head.

"Christophe? What in hell is going on?"

Dru's voice is shocked, her jaw dropping at the sight on front of her, while everyone else is too busy blushing and coughing at the sight of the pale girl to really say anything sensible.

"Uh... Milna? Um, well..."

"Ohh! And you're foreign too! Take me, gorgeous!" Her soft, husky voice was light and seductive, one of her big lovely eyes winking at him, while Bruce passes out due to blood loss.

"This is like watching porn, man!"

It is Dibs who breaks the veil of male sexual tension and lust with the out of character comment, as everyone blinks and Benjamin sits on Bruce.

"Um... Who are you?..."

"Well, honey, if you must know, my name is Hinata!"

"Uh..."

"And yours is?"

"Ch-Christophe.."

Her mouth was by his ear now, nipping at the lobe.

"Well, Christophe, I love your name."

He blushed as her hand brushed his chest, before he puller her off of him and stood up.

"I guess we can't go for the sting operation anymore..."

"We have to get this... Aherm, lady...home."

"I will take one for the team and carry her," Hiro interjects.

"Nah, sugar, I'm all right. I'm sure dark and handome can carry me."

"Dude... You are so lucky."

.

Hinata sat on a big green bed, her feet kicking slowly back and forth, as a pretty girl with nice teeth stared at her. She stares back and smiles, a blush on her cheek, as the girl squeals and jumps.

"Ohmygosh ohmygosh you are so cute! And you are a model! I can just stuff you in my bed and hug you all night!"

"Um... Sure, why not?"

Nat was dying with all the cuteness in the room.

"Since you don't have any, erm, clothes, I can lend you a few of mine until I can take you out shopping tomorrow, okay?"

"Oh, thank you! You are so kind, miss Nat! Like an angel!"

Nat cries while Hinata works up the charm.

"Is this your room?"

"no, no. This is yours."

"Oh, thank you! Its lovely."

And it really is. A big green bed with sheer curtains around the canopy, a large closet, currently empty, an attached bathroom, heated floors with the softest carpeting and fairy lights strung around the room.

"So, is that your real hair colour?"

"Uh huh!"

"Can I brush it?"

"Oh, no problem! Do as you please."

Nat takes out a brush from seemingly nowhere before climbing on the bed behind Hinata and brushing her silky, long hair until big curls set in.

"Wasn't your hair straight, Hinata?"

"Oh, um, I just straighten it. It gets, um, really hard to attack with it so big".

"Well, aren't you just the cutest thing ever! Here are some pyjamas. I'll be back in the around noon and we can go shopping!"

Hinata just blinks, smiles and nods her pretty head in affirmation, before getting tucked in the bed and kissed on the forehead. This was getting weird...

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It turns out that when a Hinata Hyuuga walks into a cafeteria full of sex deprived boys wearing nothing but a pair of sleeping shorts, a tight top and barney slippers, things get real. She rubs her eyes cutely, unaware of the hundreds of eyes staring at her every move, while she grabs a tray and piles it high with desserts, looking for a table to sit at.

"Oi, pretty thang! Sit here!"

"No, you asshole, she sits with me!"

"Fuck all of you bitches, the babe sits here!"

"Back off, pussy! I saw her first!"

"Sit with me!"

"No, sit with me! He's gay!"

"Have me!"

"Be mine!"

"Have my children!"

"Marry me!"

"Its okay if you don't want commitment! You can have my blood instead!"

All of the boys break into fights and arguments, some pouncing on each other while others exchange blows. She blinks in confusion and smiles sweetly.

"How about we all just have a picnic?!"

Yes, she was struck by weird green lightening from a portal conjured by Madara Uchiha and is very much experiencing MPD. Lol, no, not the last part. She's just crazy now.

Okay, no, that's a lie. I need to stop doing that.

Yes, the green lightening is magic! Revel in its magicnessicity!

"Yeah! We agree!"

"Sorry, guys, she's going shopping!" Nat pops up from under a table, a grin on her face, before grabbing Hinata and dragging her out into the parking lot, pyjamas and all, before throwing her into the back seat of a Jeep, Christophe next to her and some other guy with bright green eyes and a weird, ugly jacket, Dru in the front seat.

"I don't even know why I'm here."Graves says.

"Because Dru is here."

"Nah, man, she kinda rejected me."

"Oh! That's no good! It must be because of that jacket!"

Hinata says the last part with a small smile, leaning over Christophe to poke at Graves.

"Uh... Who's this?"

"I'm Hinata! Future wife of Christophe!"

"Damn it, Leech, why do you always get the girls?"

Christophe shrugs aloofly, gazing out the tinted window and brooding mysteriously, while Hinata stares with stars in her eyes and a camera in her hands as she takes photos.

"Uh... Where did you get that thing from?"

"Oh, this? I asked Benji-chan for it!"

Some things are just too cute to laugh at.

At the mall, Nat tugged Hinata out of the car and threw her over one shoulder, charging into various stores.

IN THE GUCCI STORE:

Shop assistant: oh marrr gosh! Whom is this mighty fabulous lady? Is she model? Do she model? Ve vant to hire 'er!

Hinata: I'm a faaiiiirrryyy!

Graves: soooo cute.

Dru: wtf?!

Christophe: yes, my wife is a model.

IN THE LEVI STORE:

Shop assistant person: you are hired!

Nat: no one applied.

Hinata: yes! A job! I will be riiicccchhhhh!

Christophe: yes! My wife and I will be rich!

Graves: uh, you do know you two aren't married, right?

Christophe: it is nice to dream sometimes.

Dru: wtf?!

IN HOT TOPIC:

Nat: hell no. Uh un. No way. No emo goth punk rock stuff.

Dru: wtf?!

Christophe: I think she looks good in the purple jeans.

Hinata: I am Edward Cullen! Watch me sparkle!

Graves: yes. This is definitely working out.

OTHER STORES:

She is tired.

Nat has bought more than half the mall.

Now just wait until she tries them on.


End file.
